Sometimes Grendel's mother gets the better of me

Grendel's mother ate me up and spit me out today.

That happens sometimes.

Sometimes she just toys with me to let me know who's boss, then flings me away after holding me in her iron grip, but at other times she destroys me. (In this picture, my companion, Sprecka, has sensibly run home.)

The run was tough from the beginning. Maybe I should have started earlier when it was cooler, maybe I wasn't hydrated enough, who knows? I knew in the first 5 minutes it was going to be tough. I almost turned around and went home, thinking I needed a rest day. But I talked myself into continuing, if only for my companion. No mind games worked today. Today was just "let's get through this", grit your teeth, head down, make it home.

I've been feeling in the grip of Grendel's mother in other ways too. Doubting myself, my decision to quit a secure job. Wondering if I could possibly have enough talent, persistence, and simple belief in myself to actually make money through art.

I guess the solution is a lot like the run: continue - put your head down, persevere, work through it.

I am excited about a couple of things. One is simple: I ordered some new art supplies and I'm so anxious for them to arrive so I can start playing with them. Every time the UPS truck comes by I'm like the townspeople from The Music Man who are waiting for the Wells Fargo wagon - "Oh pleeeeese let it be for me!" I'm also working out a new painting idea that will go with my warped nature series. (I don't think I'll eventually call it that, but for now it helps me to keep my ideas organized.) My first painting in that series was the pansies that I distorted to make look like Vegas showgirls (you have to see it to understand). My new idea is promising. I'm also playing around with another series that will go with my "Take Out" painting featuring the Chinese take out container and trigger fish in the ocean.

Tomorrow's another day. I hope you and I don't spend it in the maw of Grendel's Mother.