So self-centered

For once, I am thinking only of myself.

You're probably thinking one of two things:

1. What?!!! This is NOT the season to be selfish, (at least not out loud).


2. For once? Ha! (This is for those who know me well.)

For the record, I am speaking artistically.

I have a mission to paint two pieces that are strictly for me. It could be said that I always paint for me. Except for commissioned work, my projects are self-determined. I paint whatever seems to be demanding to be painted. But the work is still somewhat outward focused, projects designed to go out into the world to find the people they were destined for.

Not these two pieces. These are for me. They sing to me and it is time.

One project has been patiently waiting since the summer. I will paint my hawks. I want this painting to manifest the magic that I felt during the time these four magnificent fledglings perfected how to be hawks, with me right there. It was my "Summer of the Hawks". I'd like this painting will be a tribute and reminder.


The other project is new yet strangely clamoring for immediate attention. It will be based on this photo:

I've never felt the least desire to be part of one of my own paintings, but when my husband took this photo at Turnbull Wildlife Refuge, I was captivated by it. Usually I compose a painting, but my thought is that this one will be much like the photo, somewhat Andrew Wyeth inspired, if I'm so lucky.

I love that I am on a path that offers no hint about where it is leading, that I am alone, and that I am looking at something that the viewer cannot see - a visual metaphor for my life if I've ever seen one. Not that I am alone, of course. I have wonderful loved ones who have journeyed with me. But we each experience life uniquely, and therefore in some ways will always be alone. We cannot know where our paths will take us, and we each see the world in a way that others cannot.

I plan to share studies for these two projects with you. Studies are especially important for these projects for a couple of reasons. One, these two pieces seem to want to be BIG (at least that is what they are whispering to me, right now), and two, they are demanding to be painted on TWINROCKER watercolor paper!! (Maybe this is really me wanting to paint on this paper. It is so expensive. I have their website tabbed on my computer and I visit it periodically, my nose leaving prints on their virtual glass display window, with my grubby fingers holding my meager pennies in my hand, hoping for the day when I will be good enough to justify spending so much money on such an extravagance.) I will be completely freaked out when actually faced with a blank sheet of this paper, so smaller studies will be absolutely necessary.


I'm telling you all of this to give you a preview of what I will be working on but also as a bit of accountability to the work, so that I won't be as likely to chicken out and work on something safer. Of course, since the creative muse who has been assigned to my case is who she is, none of this may work out at all or I may end up with something totally different. Who knows?

I just can't see that far ahead on the path.